*I like your montage of willow that is designer! I love your super sweet story about the clouds too. I love hearing those kinds of things.
Maybe you don't see it but I can see that your painting skills are improving and honestly I am so jealous I can't paint lol Maybe one day you visit and we paint together and I'll learn lots lol
Hey Canadian food also includes things like bacon, cream cheese logs :P
Alot of weight loss if it doesn't change measurements is good!!!!
It means it's not just water loss cause that will change measurements and what it actually means is that you probably lost internal fat, which is the most healthful to lose!!
I didn't make this armor set but there was one missing so I did make the chain set which is 2nd from left.
Same story hear. The horse armor icon set was missing the diamond so I made it.
Updated pack icon. My other wasn't pretty enough lol
This is the new coffee table. It's just plain but you can see it transforms into a tv tray to eat and compute and drink while on sofa!
This is the new couch. It has power recliners so I don't have to have Steve recline me for me or hurt my knee cause I can't close it.
This is the new bed. Its a foam mattress no springs at all and does seem to already hurt my shoulders and knees less. We slept 10 hours last night!
Steve gave me a small allowance out of the check money so I went to whole foods and bought some orange oil on sale for only 3$ so i got some others and was able to make some perfume. He also bought me out of his own money a small bottle of everclear so I can have fake perfumers alcohol lol So far my new mix is getting rave reviews!! Still not sure how close it is to smelling like Elige lol I think I must have a stupid nose.
This is view of living room now.
Salmon and asparagus in pesto puff pastry and asparagus
Easter day I came over and he wasn't feeling well so I fed him Easter candy and messed with him :P People who appreciate my sassyness are loved lol
Stevie went finally went to a kinky class with me and funnily enough it was about DBT and mental health and being an authentic person. He said he enjoyed it and learned alot and said he would do the exercises with me and also because his work has free EAP if we can figure out how to do it I might be able to start therapy again.
Its weird how things are related. One time I was told I had borderline personality disorder and someone else said no you don't just features of. I know I have PTSD really bad. I've taken DBT before and it was good. Class last night discusses that most people do not have borderline but instead CPTSD. Complex ptsd. It's the same normal thing but complicated by the amount of mal-adaptive protective instincts and behaviors. Best cure is DBT.
Also he said that CPTSD is caused by ACE's which I have been reading about. Which is Adverse Childhood Events. The main list they test on I have all 10 and most of the secondary list too. They say just having 2-4 ACE's makes someone suicidal and likely to abuse drugs. So now I think maybe I should try to give myself a bit more of a break. Even if it has been rough I am doing good for a 10 ACE. Now that I've been reading about all this I'm understanding more things.
I always though triggers were bullshit. But now I figure out that I must a lot of the time be being triggered and that is why I suffer. I guess trigger is just a fancy word for something that scares you and makes your PTSD act up. lol Like soldiers who hear firecrackers and fall down. I hear yelling and close up, people get in my face and I go catatonic, I feel like my family is threatened I become attacking, I think I am unloved because I am damaged and I cry for 72 hours straight. I feel empty and emotionless and I eat. If all the triggers I do and don't know aren't bad enough. The protective instinct is really getting the worst of me sometimes. Don't talk on the phone, don't go outside, don't exercise, don't talk to people, don't wear pretty clothes, hide whats going on etc. etc. So please cross your fingers I do get to start therapy again it is helpful.
Dave and Busters was fun last night. The last time we went I only had enough money to do one thing and I hated it the whole time. But now DB made it cheaper and we went with Devon and Melissa. They paid for alot of things and had tons of tickets. So I got to play packman, trivia, air hockey, 4d haunted house, 4d arctic thunder, and skee ball. Actually had a good time! At the end i didn't win any tickets because I suck at arcades. So they bought me a dip and stick package. How nostalgic!
Tomorrow I'm going to yoga class with a new friend. I super love my new lifestyle. What a difference it makes to find the people who are just like you!
I love you sis and I can't wait to hear from you let me know if you want to talk on phone.
Read!
ReplyDeleteReplying soon.
I would love love love to paint with you. I'm certain that we could do something together and you would be impressed with how it turned out for you. And then you wouldn't be as impressed with mine once you knew how easy some of it was! :p Wet oil paint is wonderfully forgiving. But I think that would be an awesome experience, and you need to work on coming to see we so we can make it happen!
ReplyDeleteLove the armor suits and your little opalized button. Love your coffee table too, how jealous I am! We have a coffee table but I cannot keep Maggie off of it so it has been demoted to a side table and now collects junk....still can't keep her off of it either. And your kitty is so cute.
I think it would be a great idea for you to start therapy again. Heck, it would be a good idea for anyone to get in therapy I think. I looked up the ACE thing you mentioned and as expected my score was pretty high too. You should definitely give yourself more of a break, don't be so hard on yourself. Getting in therapy and learning ways to cope and deal with everything and become more resilient is definitely the best thing you could do with yourself.
Glad to hear Steve is getting involved with the things you're interested in, I know how important that is. I can tell it's making you happier by you haikus!
Glad you had fun at D&B, I've never been there, but I can imagine it would be really terrible without money. I've never been to one of those game places, at any age, where I had a lot of cash to just go and play around. If we ever do, it's likely going to be just for the kids anyways. :p
Let me know how yoga goes, I was told by my dr that I should do it, but it seems horribly boring to me lol. Then again, I have trouble motivating myself to do ANY kind of exercise unless it's hiking in the woods.
I wish I could find more people just like me, I just...can't from the house. Then again I kind of feel sometimes that there are no other people like me, so no wonder I have trouble!
Also, I don't mind tlaking on the phone, but I usually don't because I know you don't like it. And lets be honest, a lot of noise and distractions fro my side too. :p You can call me anytime if that is what you would like, but this is slightly easier for me to keep up meaningful conversations! :D
New post coming from me soon, probbaly just about the writing stuff.
Love you!