I have been so depressed that I haven't been able to cook, read, play piano, workout, take pictures or anything really. In addition, to Mimi dying I had one of my old clients die also. Then my surgery got canceled and I'm going a bit crazy from pain and lack of sleep. For a little bit, I was considering that I might need hospitalization.
I skipped out on all my weekends with Will because of the funeral and the memorial etc. So three weeks later I was having a really bad Friday and Saturday. I sobbed for literally 48 hours. I was so embarrassed because all of this was going on during Wills time. We ended up getting ready to go to a party and I stopped crying long enough to fall asleep in the car. It's sounds really funny to say, but the spanking I received that night really made me feel better. Will said that in times of stress I should be sure to remind him that I might need maintenance spankings and even on Wednesday if it prevents that kind of meltdown.
The next week I had my period so I was back to feeling really horrible emotionally and physically. I got some good lovin's and a massage but no spanking. This past Saturday I got permission to play with Johannes. We negotiated really well and I asked if I could be very playful. He said yes and I got a fantastic full body front and back marking and had lots of fun. He'd grab me and I'd bite his neck. Or he'd kneel down and I put my foot on his face. I bit one of the toys and some parts we were giggling so hard it was difficult to continue. I got cuddles afterward with 4 people. Since then I am starting to feel almost normal.
I am getting better slowly. I made a massive batch of southwest green chili for Will's freezer and today I have played the piano. I have two gifts ready for your birthday.
Steve and I are getting along better atm. I think he is finally getting more used to our life and my personality changes. He is nice and we cuddle and do projects together. He is drinking less.
I have always maintained that part of the problem with us is that he has issues he won't address that keeps him stuck in a rut and that he is also submissive/kinky. It leaves us both feeling lost and unfulfilled. Luckily I am happier to I have been able to be healthier and more patient and maybe he is finally feeling more peaceful. He asked that I tie him up and we bought rope. He reminded me and I finally did it yesterday and tied him up twice and now he is asking for more.
In any case I am glad I am getting happier! *huggles sissy. I love writing and talking to you and I'm so sorry my emo stopped it for a bit. But I will try to be better. I love you!
This is the picture I did for Mimi the day I stayed with her. I did not expect to get it back so soon :((
Mercury wearing a duck backpack
New good pic of Will.
New house selfie featuring a necklace I made years ago but just now put on.
It's woven wires and the pearls are woven in little nests as well.
Saturday went shopping for food and this bear tried to eat Will.
I was asked on my site who was the bigger bear. I said Will is like the Tardis and is a bigger bear on the inside than he appears on the outside lol
What an intersection of geekery lol
Saturday before the club.
Yay a post!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you've been so depressed. I know that Mimi was the catalyst and no surgery made everything worse, but I hope you can just take it easy on yourself until you've healed a little bit. Certainly if you think you need hospitalization, do it. If nothing else I would just to be able to sleep as much as I wanted. I know that sounds flippant, but I get so stressed sometimes, especially when I get sick and there's everything else going on, that I remember the hospital with fondness. Around the clock sleeping, eff-it-all meds, and I never have to cook to eat. *sigh*
Any news on your surgery? Did you get everything straightened out? I know the end of the year is coming awfully fast now.
I'm glad Will is able to help you vent your emotions and to support you, however it is he does it.
I'm ever so thankful that Steve is being a better husband/friend lately and that your relationship is better. It does cycle, so I hope this lasts a good long time, and when the cycle is over, it's because things get even better.
Your picture for Mimi is beautiful. I know it reminds you of sad things, so maybe you should find someone to give it away to that will just enjoy it with no sad memories attached. It's a fantastic picture, all hand drawn or was it from a book?? It reminds me of some artist that I can't think of. Or maybe stained glass. It definitely looks like it would make an awesome window.
My house is an unholy disaster so I have to get cleaning (so hard because I have a carb hangover from Thanksgiving) but I have to go work on it. Either today or tomorrow I will make a post with some pics, and bite the bullet and make a first chapter post for you to read.
Huggles sissy.