Just a funny

Just a funny I identify with and maybe you do too!


My Husband is a big, furry dude. He's not fat, and not tall, just broad-chested, muscular, and built like a sexy beast-bear.

But most importantly, He is always...ALWAYS...(and this is important, ladies, amiright?) WARM AS BALLS.

I am not a big, furry, burly dude. I am, in fact, a hairless, bony-clawed squirrel person and I am always...ALWAYS...cold as a witch's tit.

It's a match made in heaven. You know, for me. For Him, not so much.

Tonight, for example. We were lying in bed, watching old episodes of Upright Citizens Brigade, and I nuzzled close to Him. I kissed along His neck, up behind His ear. I took His earlobe between my teeth and just barely bit down. He moaned a little, just in the back of His throat. I knew I had Him. I
knew He was hard. And I knew I had my moment.

I slowly, then all at once, reached under his shirt... and placed my icy, freezing, bird-claw hands of death on His broad, muscled, furry, WARM chest.

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST GODDAMMIT WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR HANDS ???

This is screamed as He leaps away from me. Ha! Joke's on Him. I'm scrawny and freezing, but I work out, and my icy death mitts possess inhuman strength. I hold on tight, His ear still in my mouth. I purr, as sexily as I can, "oh man, you are so big and strong and warm and I love you soooo much,,,"

He cuts me off.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?? WHAT THE FUCK??"

I add some boob pressure to sweeten the deal.

"GET YOUR ICY CLAWS OFF OF ME, DEVIL WOMAN!"

I throw in some frantic neck nibbling, and I hold on tight with my frozen squirrel paws.

"THAT'S NOT NORMAL! YOU NEED TO GET THAT CHECKED OUT BY A DOCTOR OR MAYBE A WIZARD!"

He escaped.

Damn.

It's going to be a long winter.